i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
