chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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