so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
50% drunk capacity currently
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
