Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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