Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
