It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
