Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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