He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
