Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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