I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
