Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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