So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
