Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
