Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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