Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my poor anus
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
