So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
