I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
