Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
