Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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