Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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