so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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