I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
please come you make the beer taste better
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
