YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
