PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
