So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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