Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
