He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
