Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
