I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
