I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
