haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
