if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he was CRYING into my vagina
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
