Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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