GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
