i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
