you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
