Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
