Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
