new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
