Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
