I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
