If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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