It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
