Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
