What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
