I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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