He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
did i just pee glitter
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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