It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
