You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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