My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
