I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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