I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
