i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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